Limerence Explained
What it is, Why it Happens, and How to Break the Cycle
What is Limerence?
Limerence is an intense, involuntary state of obsession and infatuation with another person—often idealized.
Unlike love or attraction, limerence goes far beyond finding someone attractive, and it’s typically one-sided. While early-stage love can feel intense, those feelings usually soften over time. With limerence, however, they tend to persist, accompanied by a strong longing for reciprocation and an emotional dependency on the other person’s responses.
A common misconception is that limerence is “just a crush” and you should simply get over it. In reality, limerence runs much deeper. It often stems from underlying emotional wounds linked to attachment patterns, childhood trauma, low self-esteem, or fears of abandonment.
How to Recognize the Signs of Limerence
You may be wondering what limerence actually looks like in everyday life and how to tell if you’re experiencing it. While everyone’s experience can feel a little different, many people notice a mix of emotional, behavioural, and physical signs related to the feelings and thoughts associated with limerence.
Emotional signs
Intrusive or obsessive thoughts
Mood swings based on perceived reciprocation
Intense emotional attachment
Behavioral signs
Repeatedly checking messages or social media
Analyzing or replaying every interaction
Fantasizing about future scenarios
Physical symptoms
Anxiety
Adrenaline rushes
Inability to focus or concentrate
The Psychology Behind Limerence: Root Causes and Triggers
There are many reasons limerence can occur, and none of them mean something is ‘wrong’ with you. Limerence is both common and complex, shaped by a mix of past experiences, emotional needs, and the ways we’ve learned to connect with others. Below are some examples of root causes and triggers of limerence:
Attachment styles (e.g., anxious or avoidant patterns).
Unmet emotional needs, abandonment, or past trauma.
Low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or longing for idealized connection.
Neurochemical factors (such as dopamine and reward circuits).
Unrealistic and unhealthy media portrayals of romantic obsession.
Therapy for Limerence
So, what does therapy for limerence look like, and how do you know when it’s time to seek professional guidance?
Therapy for limerence often focuses on gaining deeper insight into where these feelings come from and developing practical tools and strategies to manage intrusive thoughts and overthinking. If limerence starts to affect your mental health, daily functioning, or relationships, it may be a sign to reach out for professional support.
Some examples of topics covered in therapy are:
Building awareness and self-compassion.
Discussing the impact of childhood trauma or past wounds.
Focusing on your identity outside the fixation.
Understanding attachment patterns and building healthy, secure relationships.
If you recognize yourself in these patterns and want to better understand the causes and triggers of limerence, therapy can help you gain insight, grow, and heal. Reaching out for support can be a step toward breaking old cycles and building healthier, more fulfilling connections and relationships.
Written by Diana Chukarska, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
Click here to learn more about Diana’s therapeutic approach.